This thread was amongst the list of new posts I was reading so I decided to respond.I hope that's ok.

Do you know much about what you have been diagnosed with,Borderline Personality Disorder?Have your treatment providers explained what it is and what the symptoms are and why you were diagnosed with it?It just seems like you are super aware of everything that goes on and what you experience and are freaked out by all of it but not relating any of it to your illness.All the things you are describing are part of your BPD,even the dissociation and learning everything you can about it and ways to help yourself could make a big difference for you.

I have PTSD and learning everything I could about it really helped me.The dissociation used to freak me out and I used to really struggle with it until I worked with my psychologist on how to manage not just the dissociation but all the other symptoms that go along with it.I don't have a DD,the dissociation is a symptom of and part of my illness just as it is for you with BPD.

I just thought maybe if you learn all you can about it you won't freak out so much when you are experiencing symptoms.Understanding your illness and accepting what you experience is because of it and part of it will make it much easier to learn to manage.