Quote:
Originally Posted by LiteraryLark
I know I said I need their approval, but the thing is...I can move out if I wanted to...it's completely my decision to buy whatever car I want even if it's not practical...I can take out a loan for $22k and go to beauty school if I wanted to...I can live wherever I'd like, whether it's in California with or without a roommate or with my grandparents or in Oregon or even Paris if I really wanted to.
It's not that I need their approval, but as I've said before, with my history of hospitalization and what I've gone through to get to be where I am...it's still very difficult for me to make big decisions. Finding a long-term, FT career, for example, is a huge decision for me. My mom said during the past couple years I've made a major shift in my critical thinking and my determination to find a life long career, and my parents and I talk a lot about my strengths and weaknesses and career options. I also go to therapy to discuss how to improve in my career, which starts with managing the bipolar. But my parents didn't just say "You can't have a job we don't approve of", but if I said, "Oh, what about this job?" they would say, "Well, you're good at this, this, and this, so it will play to these strengths, but you also have trouble with this, this, and this, so it's something to think about." But like I said, it's very difficult for me to make important decisions. I do doubt my capabilities and my critical thinking and I need to ask if I'm making a wise decision. I'd like to say I am very smart and capable in most areas, and my parents do let me make my own decisions, but if it's a major decision such as taking on more responsibility, I want to be sure it's smart and realistic and I when I talk with my parents it's usually a sit-down discussion and it's open conversation, and their advice has never failed me and I trust them and that they want the best for me and to be successful. I hope that makes sense.
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Ok I understand all of that and this makes more sense but I'll tell you that this brings up new questions for me. First one would be are you're sure you're not giving too much credit to their opinions and minimizing your own ability to know what you want and can do? Unfortunately making decisions and learning how to make them wisely takes f*ing it up at first, learning, and fixing things, doing the right things next time. I am not sure that this overt control over your decisions is helping with your own self confidence and ability to move forward as an adult.
If you are never given the ability to mess up you're never going to figure out first hand what it's like to deal with the mess you made and therefore you won't have gained the confidence that you can make better decisions. They say they (I think you mentioned earlier) are wanting you to spread your wings and I'm not saying your parents have any kind of ulterior motive but I think they are exhibiting the classic difficulty of actually letting their children go.. It's hard. Truth is though either you have to break free and brute force your way through life and possibly taking the beating along the way or you may find it very slow going in learning to spread those wings... the wings you were given will atrophy and as time goes on it will be harder than ever to be independent. ok ok end lecture
But to the point about the dog and any other rules, until you are really independent and on your own, you have to really abide but the rules of the house, unfortunately and in this case it's your parents' rules.
As a solution, I think making a plan for how to show them your independence, responsibility and such would be a good one. Start with telling them (politely) that you can't make your own decisions until they fully let you make a few. You can't prove yourself with their guidance being so overbearing. Ask them to let you do what you feel is right and make yoru mistakes. Idk, use my words if you find any truth and usefulness in them.
Just trying to help and hopefully you find something in this long post that's useful and helpful.