Thanks. I visited the office today. Well, sort of, only said a couple sentences to a secretary, but tonight I'm feeling a little bit more sane. Although when I came home I still freaked out and desperately wanted to connect to someone. But I really don't trust online interactions and don't have access to offline people aside from shop assistants, but interacting with those doesn't seem to help at all. And my mom, of course, but there the relationship is very much marred by my resentment of the fact that she had a hand in making me this.
And here's my problem with online interactions: I'm going to post this and have to go to bed. And before falling asleep and after waking up I'm going to worry about writing something wrong and getting or not getting replies. But I just can't abandon this connection.