I'm really saddened reading your experiences, because clearly you're really having a desperately hard and miserable time, and without much hope or evidence things might improve any time soon.

I do hope the advice and support I can see you've already received in replies eventually helps and improves your situation. And I think you can see that not only do you need help, but clearly your mum does too. I can't help but relate a lot of what you've said to my own experiences, which then makes me think it's likely you care about her, despite all the abuse you've suffered, so maybe seeking help and guidance yourself can lead to your mum somehow receiving help and guidance herself.

I'm no psychologist but recently I find myself wondering what exactly makes an individual do or say the bad things they might do? Is it because they're simply just bad themselves? Or because it's largely through some disorder they may have? I don't think having a disorder makes you bad as such, so therefore an individual may not be inherently bad. And maybe therapy or drugs or whatever can help the individual and alleviate their negative behaviours?

I definitely feel making the difficult plunge to seek professional help yourself is very important and something you're going to have to do very soon, not only for your own benefit, but hopefully also for your mothers.

You are undoubtedly a good individual trying to do the right thing, and I really wish you best of luck. The numbers you can call provided by a previous replier look to be a great place to start.