There has been a strong battle within me lately between different parts of my self. There is a teen who is scared and traumatized that her friend died. She wants to show the world how tough she is and that she doesn't need anything. She wants the rest of us to shut up because she thinks by silencing us she is keeping us safe. She could have hurt herself today and did not. She has not acted on this. She is trying to figure out the fear and how to get past it without doing something that the world tells us is self harming. She has been brave and is trying to learn better ways to keep us safe. It is not easy. She thinks that the friend is dead because she is bad or because she allowed herself to love the friend. You know, one must NEVER need anything because it opens one to pain. Torture, ridicule and soul murder. She is still trying to grow up and be helpful and kind to the others here. It is hard. She hates the whiny vulnerable ones inside.