Being sober absolutely kills me. I can only watch so much Netflix for real. I fell off the wagon. Pdoc put me back on benzos after an attack put me in the ER. It was a free for all at first but now I see I need it to be normal. I didn't drink for maybe 3-4 days last week and holy **** I was so bored I went on bed at 9pm only to wake up at 4am for the day. So that's a whole day sober and feeling emotions. Honestly nothing feels better than an Ice cold brew, a bowl, and some good music. Without I'm a mess. A nervous wreck. And I already got a tolerance to my klonopin cuz I was taking a lot at a time. The boredom kills me. And yea my T considered adult coloring books, reading, walking etc but none of those things gives me a rush like being buzzed.

How do I stop this cycle?? When I'm sober I think too much. I get depressed. And bored to absolute death. I've even abused my psych meds. Taking two pills instead of one to either make me pass out or make me up and happy. I'm not psychically addicted (I think) so if I could get the balls then I'd quit. But sobriety is torturing. And yes I live with my bf but he works third shift so between 3pm-5am I'm alone to paint the town messed up. I don't practice any religion but god ****ing help me!