If I don't keep rocking myself, I fall apart. Depression is like being condemed to a life of inner silent pain. Keep crying like a baby, a little helpless child without a voice. Only the constant flow of tears.

This rush of despair that fighting it is out of reach. I am completely drained of any sense in my mind what-so-ever.

I simply rock back and forth. I have to move, need to move. Pounding of this undescibable pain. It shoots through my face, my jaw, my head---I am going to lose it.

So how the hell do these medical professionals expect someone to stay sane with this? "There is nothing we can do". Well screw that. This is wrong. How can someone be expected to endure this constant pain when they know what's wrong and can be fixed??? I don't have the money to fix this. I am desperately trying to gather enough money to move right now. I can't take my bf anymore....long story....

So I guess I will keep rocking back and forth, allowing my tears to continue to make my body feel so fatigued that it only prays for the end. I don't know where to go and deal with this. Everyone is gone on holidays right now. I feel like a bomb..... just waiting for the clock to slow down...stop ticking.....BANG!!! And there she goes...............

Justy