I am aware that my socialization's challenges and my self esteem stem from my childhood. I remember my father was furious not to allow us to play with other kids, and not to do and say anything but studying. I remember once I yawned while studying and he hit me on my head. He didn't want us even to yawn while studying. Money is all he cares about, and for him education was the means. When we did or said something, he would criticize us and verbally and physically punish us. So, I grew up with the automatic thinking that I must not open my mouth or initiate doing anything because I would be criticized and punished.

Indeed it is the custom here for children to respect their parents regardless. But my parents in contrast to all others think and explicitly express that we owe them because they sacrificed for us "more than other parents", they think. When I tell them I have my own life and decisions, they say something like "you want to throw us and treat us like we don't exist"!!! They don't get that I am now an adult. They are my parents and will remain my parents as long as they respect my boundaries. I would visit them, assist them as much as I could.... etc, but my life and my decisions they must not interfere with, unless I consult them.

If they don't understand this, then our relationship will deteriorate once I leave. I will minimize my contact with them. When my father talks with my siblings and me on the phone, he keeps looping with the same topics, and asks questions to know what we are doing in life and what are our decisions because he thinks he can make us avoid misfortune and bad decisions. Once I told him I am independent and have my own life and decisions, and he confirmed me that (he is very manipulative, but he thinks himself as a meek and naive), but he followed it with saying that only if your decisions are right!!!!!! I told him I am independent in my decisions right or wrong, not just when they are right. Right for whom and based on what?

That is how is my life: at home, my mother controls us, and in our lives my father tries to control us. This isn't life. This is slavery under another appearance and name.