=( there's soooooo many triggers. maybe one day in the future it will actually happen. maybe there will be a time when i have control over the triggers, as well as control over the "integrated" system (that's assuming a lot).... then i suppose i could actually do normal stuff without getting the whole ptsd reaction that splits me off into seperate parts or put me in a dissociative fog.
but really, i can't even imagine what it would be like. I mean, i can name all the things that wouldn't happen... but can i really feel it ?? nnnnnnnnnnnnnope. it's a nice dream tho.