When I was a kid and things were "not so good" in our home, I would hide away in my closet and pretend I was in my own creation of the world I wanted to be in.

I did this again......at 29yrs old. Is that not sick?? I wanted to stay in the closet so nobody could find me. I sat in there, in the dark, rocking back and forth. Trying to create a world in my mind...somewhere with some peace and sanity. All I could do is cry and rock and cry and rock. Replay in my mind all of the violence, the abuse, the fear, the wanting for an ending. Over and over again the thoughts raced. From this to that to another. And me again or this thing inside just confirming to go get that razor...... get rid of this pain.

Is this PTSD?? Is this normal for a 29 year old to go and hide in a damn closet?? It was so safe when I was young. I could hide from my fears.....my dad....the alcohol...everything that haunts me today. But now its not the same. Just darkness and sadness........and of course......memories.

Justy