Wow, it's been a year since I've visited the forum, and I'm asking myself why it took me so long...
After yet another one of the hardest years of my life, I think I've finally given up on my marriage. For those who were here last time, my hubby had a "cyber/telephone affair" a year and a half ago, and I chose to stay although the trust in our relationship had been blown to pieces. I also visited about six months later with questions on how to approach his depression, which I believe is based on abuse he suffered as a child, has suppressed, and will not admit too. Well, instead of everything bringing us closer, or us finding the friendship we had at the beginning of the relationship six years ago, he shut me out even further.
"Mike" was going for counselling for a while after he cheated, but stopped when I started seeing a therapist in April this year (we lost a baby, our third miscarriage in a year of trying, and I needed to find myself again). He has exhibited some pretty bad behavior (wanting to go golfing the day after we found out about the last fetal demise), drinking excessively while away on business trips (which he said he was going to stop doing), he started smoking again after being tabacco free for a year, lashing out at me, playing xbox for hours on end, and worst off, not talking to me about ANYTHING (although I have tried everything possible to get him to open up). Tonight however made me realize I give up.
Money has been very tight this year, and I know it's a great part of his frustration. Today I went out and spent money on groceries for the family, nothing extravagant, but the fridge and cupboards were pretty empty, and we need to eat (our sons are 4 & 2, and I'm 12 weeks pregnant with the third)! When I got home, he freaked out at me for spending the money. He made me feel so bad, I started to cry. Then he started raising his voice, so IO told him to get out of my house. He told me to get out, so I grabbed my keys, and headed for the truck. He was screaming at me to leave my bank card the whole time (was he scared I was going to buy more groceries?!), and jumped in the passenger seat so I couldn't leave. I got out of the truck, ran in the house, and locked the door. He busted it in! I told him I was calling 911, which I did but hung up, and told him to get out again. He was screaming, and swearing, and asking why I was pushing his buttons. I told him that was it, I wanted him to leave for good, so he put his fist through the bathroom door!
I come from an abused Mom, who unfortunately carried it on with my older sister when we were young, until she snapped out of it. One of my sister's boyfriends when we were teenagers knocked me around enough to send me to the hospital when we were teenagers. I WILL NOT TOLERATE VIOLENCE IN MY LIFE OR AROUND MY BOYS!
I have tried to be there for my husband, I have encouraged, even begged him to get help, I have been patient and forgiving,but after four and a half roller coaster years, I've had enough. I told him I'm done trying to help him, he's on his own, and after the holidays, I will make arrangements to seperate our lives. I can't keep doing this.
I know he is going through alot, financial pressure, job stress etc., and he told me over the last couple of days he felt like he was having a breakdown, but am I expected to put myself through more emotional stress during this pregnancy? I love him, but he needs to find his own strength. I have stuck by him through so much, but I think that's why he's never gotten to the root of his issues. As long as I stay, I don't think he will ever find his way, he leans on me and I carry him. I don't want him to be a better person for me, I want him to be a better person for himself, and our sons.