Hey

Last weeks have been really hard. My suicidal thoughts ended up in very dangerous actions and I ended up hospitalized. Now home and I started therapy for BPD for the first time (schema therapy) and I have just seen my therapist for the second session.

My new therapist is great, I really attached to him. He was concerned for the previous events from last weeks and expressed concern for my suicidal thoughts/plans. He said something that no therapist has ever said to me before, when I asked him: why he even cared if I died or not? (I really don't know why someone would care if I exist or not....I certainly don't ) and he said: "because I care about you, even after meeting you two times, that is how it works, we care for each other"

I got very confused about the feelings this answer created in me. I felt both shocked and surprised and like I don't deserve his care, and I also felt extremely happy for what he said. Then I felt extremely afraid that he might suddenly leave me or care less. So now I ended up feeling extremely bad about having a good therapist

Is this normal? What should I do about this?? Feels so bad why does it have to be so damn complicated