My T says i have OCD too, so that could probably be the reason i feel more hurt than others would in my shoes. i never thought about it until now, so thanks for naming it. it makes sense.

I have been isolated for a good while now and i have a few acquaintances and zero friends and i have to say i feel a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders. freedom.

with friends or even boyfriends around, i kind of feel both the need/duty to help them being happy (acting like their therapist and so removing me from the equation as if i didnt exist - and it hurts) and an unwanted constant comparison between me and them - and i always lose compared to others - and this hurts too.

so i feel much better alone. i still have family to deal with, but they are used to me emotionally and physically distantiating myself from them so its more manageable even if i still live with them.