Hi strive sorry things are going bad for you now. My mother has schizophrenia and when I was a kid/teenager she was very strict about everything like movies, video games, comic books, sex Ed you name it.

My mother and father would tell me things after coming home from church that would scare the crap out my sister and I. They would talk crazy about paranormal things and what not. The stuff they said to me made too scared to close my eyes at night when I went to bed.

My mother would hear voices and think it was God talking to her or the devil, she needed medication, but would never take it. Needed a Pdoc to, but those things were some kind of sin. She's living in a homeless shelter somewhere in Minnesota or North Dakota still refuses to get help.

I haven't talked to my parents in almost two decades. With everything that's happened when I was younger, has made it very hard through out my life to even look at a church. I always feel like there are a bunch of snobs in these places that want to judge me and put me down for some mistake I'm making in my life. I always go on the defense when christians start talking to me.

It's not good to be like that I know and a lot of christians are very nice caring people. Idk....Jesus is there for you though I believe he's there for me. Sometimes people see things happening weather it be good or bad and think it's God doing this that or the other, when it's really just people doing these things...we all have free will

Am I making any sense? We're all human and no one is perfect. I feel like I can relate to you that's why I commented I wanted to say something to you when I saw your post.

((((HUGS))))