Captain's log is floating in the lavatory.

We got a message from ground control. They said we've really made the grade and the papers want to know whose shirts we wear. I didn't know what to tell them. Anyone know who made the uniforms?

Now a navigation quandry. If our mission is to go where no man has gone before, thus being totally uncharted, how the heck am I supposed to give destination coordinates? I've decided star fleet was smokin something pretty strong when they drew up our orders.

By the way, even with phasers set to stun, it really hurts to get shot in the face with one. I'll never try that again.

Finally, Dave Lister was outside painting the hull but is now stuck out there. Please open the pod bay doors, Hal. Hal, open the pod bay doors.

Cyran0, captain of the PC Starship Enterprise bowling team, out.