So i have bpd and depression and also agorophobia ( not sure of the correct spelling ). I have 2 teenage daughters neither or which live with me because of all my problems although i do have regular contact.
Anyway here is where things get really complicated. I believe i am about 4 in a half months pregnant. Nobody knows. I didnt really know myself because i have a contraceptive implant. It has expired and i didnt get it taken out. Anyway even though it expired i still. Didnt get my monthly period. Thats how people usually work out they are pregnant by missing one. But i wasnt having them. My last relationship was about 4 and a half months ago. The guy chased me for a year determined to have a relationship with me. I finally agreed to be with him and he broke up with me 2 weeks later for no reason and ignored me completely so i have had no contact with him.
It was always in the back of my mind that i could be pregnant but with how depressed i am i chose to ignore it. A few weeks ago i felt some movements and suspected that i was infact pregnant but i went. Into denial again and pushed it to the back of my mind. Today ive been feeling the movements again. They are stronger now. I will probably go into denial again if i dont feel any moving for a while.
Nobody knows that i am pregnant. Im really scared because i neglect myself everyday and also can not do normal activities like leaving the house. That means its unlikely that i will be able to look after the baby and social services are likely to get involved and will probably want to take the baby. And they are probably right if they do that. But how the hell am i going to cope with that? I am already severely depressed. Now things are going to get so much worse.
Then again my depression only got to this level a few months ago and the same goes for the agorophobia. Before then i was able to leave my home. I am just wondering if my depression worsening and the agorophobia has been due to me not coping with pregnancy hormones? If that is true then i might get better and maybe i will be able to look after a baby after all. Or maybe thats just me fantasising.
Im not sure what else to say but i do need lots of support since you are the only ones who know my secret maybe you can be my support. I am sorry for all the bad spelling . Thank you for listening.