Hi Rhapsody!
Thank you so much for clearing this up for me. I was so full of guilt in the beginning of our marriage that I didn't know what to do or say. All my friends perform "oral" sex on their guys, and they advised me to do so to see if that would help. I DON'T WANT TO HELP HIM THAT MUCH!!!
I couldn't do that as I think that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. When I think of all the things women do for money, that's my first thought. I do not want to be rich that way!!! They haven't invented a figure I would take. It's too degrading for me. And as a victim of sexual assault I would
never even consider it. One of my doctors told me that I'm the one making the big deal out of it, so I should help be his CURE!!! That made me really MAD!!! Why? I haven't been able to shake that feeling that I'm DIRTY, somehow.
That's how the victim feels the rest of their lives. And I know
I might like being the victim, walk in my shoes if you think it's so easy to get over!!! It leaves a scar on you no one or no thing can erase.
In my own famous words: " Innocense once was a virtue, now it's a Crime".
Somehow you come to terms with it on YOUR terms, not what someone else wants. You're like the little girl who runs for cover and shielding but no one's there to help you.
You have to lock her away in your self-conscious and be her
protector. This chapter will never CLOSE.
That really does " trigger" me so I will stop at this point. I just needed some reassurance that I'm not the one to blame? I don't know why I'm going in this direction for sure.
Thanks again, Rhapsody.
drmr