DechanDawa, I am sorry you are struggling so much. Try not to be to so hard on yourself (I know that is easier said then done). This thread shows, as usual, how complex depression is. Your financial struggles sound very stressful also. When we do not have enough income to take care of basic necessities that is so hard. Though I am grateful I have food and shelter--I have learned the hard way not to worry about not saving for my "old age". I try to do what I can in the present and not worry about the future as much. Sometimes I can only maintain this POV through prayer. We are all different and come from different circumstances so I do not think how I am managing my MI works for all. I do hope you figure it out but it seems like you are doing the best that you can. It is not your fault--life gives us all different challenges. I don't know why......