I know I can't drink. I know its stupid to drink. It hurts to drink.

But nooooo... what do I do.....drink. My bf bought a bottle of vodka. Used to be my favorite drink. I had one---only one. Now my stomach hates me more than ever. But I don't want to stop, but I have to stop. Drinking at this time is no better than shooting myself in the head. As gross as that sounds.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!! Why???????? I hate alcohol. I lived with it all through my childhood. I endured what it does to a family. I had a problem with it myself. I know my body can't take this right now. No food. Not much to drink. But noooo, this pathetic excuse for a human pours a drink knowing full well the consequences..... but drinks it anyway. AAAAAARRRRRHHHH----DAMN IT ALL!!!! Where it this anger coming from?? This is not me, not who I am. I hate her sooo much. I hate me soooo much.

Justy