I'm sorry that you also tried to get your mother to love you.I'm sorry your life has been a lie.

It still hurts me at times about my mother but I am doing so much better since accepting the truth about her.Something that helped me was a woman I knew that had a child but never really liked being around him and he mostly stayed with her mother,his grandmother. She got him on the weekends and would bring him to my house for visits and said things like " I only see him on the weekends and I still can't stand to be around him".I felt so bad for the kid,especially since she would say that around him.She eventually let her mother adopt him and when she was talking about it she said something like "not every woman is meant to be a mother".

As much as it bothered me to hear that,it really helped me.I do believe not every woman is meant to be a mother.I think maybe some just lack that maternal instinct.I'm not sure if it's just something lacking in them,whether it's due to their own past experiences,I'm not sure what it is.

I think with my own mother,she was so severely abused and never shown love in her childhood that she just didn't know how to love.Maybe that concrete wall she kept around her was her way of protecting herself.I don't know and I probably never will know.But what I do know is I made sure I told my kids I loved them every single day when they were growing up,and I hugged them every day too.They're young adults now and I still tell them I love them every time I see them or talk to them and I hug them every chance I get.They know I love them,they have never questioned it.It was always the most important thing to me,for them to know because I know how it feels to not be loved by your mother.