Quote:
Originally Posted by adashofhope
How do we learn to love ourselves? Does anyone have any idea? I know I need to get back into therapy. But how do I make myself really want it if I don't believe I am worth it and I think I am hopeless? I am asking because I don't want to hurt people in my life.
But I don't know how to want to get better for myself because I don't love myself or believe I have any value. I don't see hope for my future either. I've tried a lot of medications and I've been to many therapists.
I have always have gotten stuck in therapy because of this and I am sick of hearing from therapists that I should make a list of achievements or other trite suggestions they usually give.
i don't know how DBT can be helpful for my suicidality either which is a big issue for me. I've done DBT before. but i don't know how to accept myself and forgive myself for things in the past, so learning the skills again seems useless to me.
The only motivation I have for getting back into treatment is that i don't want to hurt my family, although i feel that i am hurting them too much by being alive, especially my husband. he wants me to get treatment but he wants me to want it for myself. so i don't know what to do.
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THIS is the work we're here to do. It's the main objective in every person with ruptures and fractures in their way of sensing self and the world. It is my own life's work and I've been at it since day one. For every negative thrown at me since childhood I've been in a state of *NO* - *Not this* *This isn't right*. I've always felt that this was wrong but I couldn't figure out how to deconstruct the conditioning I was given and how to recode. Fastforward many years and I am just now getting some kind of insight on how to go about *loving the self*.
But here is the biggie.
The actual question that precedes *how to love oneself* is - How to fully embody into this world, BE HERE FULLY, and how to love that?
Because most of us if not all of us are not even here, present in our bodies, feeling anything except flashes of anger, anxiety and depression. So how to feel the FULL range of emotions, while being in the body fully and loving THAT.
I've been disassociating for my entire life. I zone out, phase out, do not get humans at all, do not have relationships for the reason of not understanding how to be in this world, feeling completely alien. So what I can do? Is at least be conscious.
Conscious and aware of everything I say, do, think. Not judge. Be as grounded as possible wherever possible, whenever possible and to increase this into feeling something beyond numbness. Appreciating what is. Blessing what is. Knowing that everything is ok. No matter what. If I do good, and strive for good, not holding grudges or anger - turning that around to something better, that's a plan for something great.