drummergrl, I'm just going to provide another possibility. It's just food for thought so hopefully *gulp* people wont jump all over me for offering this.

But based on the tone of your post I'm left wondering if perhaps you are bringing some tension to the bedroom that's making it difficult for him to function. It would be understandable considering your history but could your behavior be contributing to the problem? Could that be what your therapist was trying to suggest? If you're subtly distant, disinterested, unenthusiastic, cold, or anything like that, your partner may be picking up on it and if he doesn't believe you want him, that could be a deal breaker.

Good healthy sex is a two way street so if his problem is not purely physical, it might be worth considering whether or not you're contributing to his psychological difficulties.

Again, I'm not saying any of the above is true in your case, it's just something to consider.

Cyran0