Here's where I'm weird:

I will never distract myself from it, not really. I put on a movie or music as background noise and then I write. What do I write? Suicide notes directed towards specific people. Most of the time, I can't finish them. When I can finish them, then I plan out every detail to a 't'. Then I set a date, time and place. I'll have everything in motion. Everything. Then I force myself to act like nothing happened around my family and friends. When I'm with them, I ask a simple question, "Are they ready for what I'm about to do?"

They're not, nor do I imagine they'll ever be. And so, all planning and letters don't mean a ****ing thing because I can't deliver them. Not when I know what will follow for them.