Maybe this post will be taken down, but I've been at an 8 & higher...& have carried thru.
Obviously I'm still here.

I understand not wanting to be hospitalized. I'd never want that again & for me it's detrimental & increases my rage...& effort.

So what do I do?
I did like the idea of writing the suicide letters. I've done that too. It helps to get it all out. Write & rewrite it. Even did one for whoever found me.
Then I get obsessed with my method & google everything about it & look at it more thru how something will effect my body...how will this process work & possibilities if problems.
Sometimes I find a problem. Just never know.
I also use pain. Now I'm not promoting this at all & I WAS a cutter, but now I try to use something that causes pain that I hate. Mine is cold or ice.
I'll stand in a freezing shower until it hurts or take an icy bath & stay in it as long as I can.

When I have those primate feelings of fleeing, get myself warm I realize it's my body signaling my brain to fight for survival. Your body wants to survive...your brain makes that decision.
So I realize that my instinct is to survive, it's my thinking that's off. I try to grasp that flimsy straw, NOT call it hope bec I hate that word, & know my true self is not fully aligned in this.
Then I sleep. A lot. It's a safety valve for me. I can hide in sleep.

I hope you come down from being an 8. Celebrate being a 7 or 6...even if it's just with a smile.

Stay on here.