it sounds like you are having a really hard time AND being very hard on yourself (**** you depression!). If you are able, take the day off (from life I mean, not from a job). And by 'off' I mean have a day where you let yourself do whatever you want without feeling bad about it (as long as it isn't harmful of course). Watch some movies, listen to music, eat your favorite food, take a bath or walk or drive or whatever. I'll do it "with you"