Jeez. That's rough. Whenever I've tried to get off antidepressants it's been too difficult, and I suffered like you are. It made me come to the conclusion that I can't ever be off medication because the depression returns. Even though the meds don't do a whole lot they at least keep me sleeping some and keep me from being suicidal. But maybe you're different and you can tolerate being off meds. Good luck to you.