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I am aware that my socialization's challenges and my self esteem stem from my childhood. I remember my father was furious not to allow us to play with other kids, and not to do and say anything but studying. I remember once I yawned while studying and he hit me on my head. He didn't want us even to yawn while studying. Money is all he cares about, and for him education was the means. When we did or said something, he would criticize us and verbally and physically punish us. So, I grew up with the automatic thinking that I must not open my mouth or initiate doing anything because I would be criticized and punished.
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This is important for you to recognize and to also pay attention to how you may put yourself down too "unknowingly". Yet also how you anticipate that if you do try to have a conversation something bad will come of it. That is what your father instilled in you by not giving you exposure to socializing and punishing you if you even yawned.
Your father doesn't have friends either right?