Hi Trail,

I believe your parenting of your son and close bond with him and your DIL will have readied them for attuned, "good enough" parenting.

I was born severely premature and spent a month in the NICU and had cryotherapy to save my sight and heart surgery. I have the scars on my retinas, on the back of my hands and my back from the IVs and the operations.

I do not remember those times of course and I've been told my parents did kangaroo therapy with me and my twin.

As an infant, my caregiver nanny was severely depressed and I believe that was another risk factor together with my premature birth and difficult time in the NICU.

HOWEVER, I believe the bulk of my issues stem not from there but from the emotional neglect, physical abuse and emotional abuse I experienced growing up, plus all the peer bullying I experienced throughout school life and adult learning and work life.

YES, being premature and spending time in the NICU probably upped my risk factors and contributed somewhat, but there isn't a guarantee that children will grow up damaged, doomed from NICU etc.

What matters is your grandchild's OTHER early life formative experiences as well. Plenty of children who are ill as premature babies thrive.

Plenty of children with good secure attachments become traumatised from bullying or abuse from outside family and then have issues.

Yet plenty of traumatised young children and teens luck into truly loving and therapeutic foster and adoptive homes and HEAL.

I know I don't have a dissociative disorder so perhaps my words aren't welcome here and I'm overstepping. I hope you can take my words in the soothing way they are intended.

You did and are doing your best. You have raised a fine man and he and his wife will surely do their best. You are already a "good enough" grandmother and I'm sure you'll be a stable positive safe presence in the life of your grandchild.