I don't feel like you spam the boards but when/if you do--everyone has the option concerning how much time we spend at PC and which posts to read. Because you hide so much from your family, bf, friends (in order to protect them/meet their expectations/not worry them?) you need a place to express yourself....

Sometimes it is hard to express everything that is. You are a really good writer and seem to do a fine job yet there are so many feelings in this world. I am sorry you are feeling like your mind is shattered. This really concerns me. Since you take medication for it--perhaps at least your psychiatrist knows? I hope so. It sounds like a big burden.....

Don't feel guilty about being in so much pain that you want to give up. Some people just can't let go. You are going to need to learn to live with this fact. I know it is hard to do. You can only do so much....