Oh, dear...
The emotional wounds are still fresh. Please don't make physical ones ((((Angela)))). Keep posting. It takes a long time to heal, but it will happen. Your love for him will never stop, but it will change with you. I hope that when you are ready, you will share some things with us. It's good for you to remember the happy things once you have reached the point when you can, and share them with other people. That's part of healing, just as the pain is now. Stay with us through this process, we're all staying with you.