I have gotten to know a woman that I met at a local convenience store I frequent. I have learned a lot from her about her culture, and her husband came to be her husband through an arranged marriage. So, she doesn't really love him and he doesn't even call her by her name but instead "hey you" and orders her around.

One day she told me about her brother in law who came here and worked hard and saved his money. He got a wife who was very traditional and wanted him to move back to India. So, he sold his business and thought that when he did move back he would have a better life. He got into a community where he was told that if he gave them his money he would live a good life and all his needs would be met. That is "not" what he experienced and slowly he had to follow rules and he was used like a kind of servant and slowly lost his personal freedom. All he wanted to do is get away from that and come back to the US even if that meant having to start all over again. So now he is living here with family with nothing and trying to start all over again as he lost all the money he has worked so hard for.

What he learned is that "yes" there is cultural brainwashing that happens and one can end up losing their freedom in ways they just don't realize. That is what this woman has been telling me and how she has no interest in falling into that trap. And yet, she still has to deal with a husband that tends to treat her badly, not even call her by her name and expect her to do "most" of the work when it comes to running not only this store, but also keeping up with the meals and chores at home too. Her husband is not very social, though I have managed to find my way to talking to him a little bit where he is friendlier to me. It's clear to me that he was raised to be the way he is, even if that makes his wife so unhappy. I am amazed at how she manages in spite of all she has to deal with and she is so pretty and I enjoy talking to her.

So, often we learn things from family and cultural customs not realizing how these things can be unhealthy for us. There is some of that in all social/cultural structures. We instinctively know this so often that inhibits our sense of comfort when interacting with others that may have different cultural beliefs. It took me time to get to know this couple and I did not want to offend them either. But "slowly" I have gotten to know them and in so doing I have learned a lot and found some common ground.