Thread: How low...
View Single Post
 
Old Apr 21, 2017, 11:04 AM
subtle lights's Avatar
subtle lights subtle lights is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 884
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind View Post
I had that problem for a very long time...along with many others surrounding the theme of "people just won't listen to me". I finally wound up inpatient in the community psych hospital - and at least they listened. After that, I was taught coping techniques and relaxation techniques...so even when I noticed the therapists began to quit listening, I could generally appease myself (at least for awhile) until I could find a new therapist. Sometimes I lost hope in the whole system though and went too long without therapy and wound up inpatient again. I learned how to "talk" to my doctors and counselors. Not just so I could get things off my chest, but so I could get the things I knew I needed them to do for my healing. I was tired of waiting - so I started pushing them to speed up "the game" (as I started seeing it) and slowing it down as needed. I started doing research on my own - about the therapies used for my differing problems, and started applying them to myself as much as I could (since I didn't see them having any success) and just listened for them to give me the next clue to an exercise, method, or technique I could try. Basically - I no longer worry about others listening, or trying to help me - I have come to the realization I am the only one who can and will do that - so I do.
My whole life I've been playing roles others wanted me to be. I've been shoving my emotions down. No one knows who I really am (not even me..). In these last two yesrs I wanted to do everything alone. I researched, I practiced yoga, meditation, different kinds of psychological tools. Alone. Everything alone. Even when I was with people I was alone. I could never connect to people and feel that I am myself.
But now I've had enough, I don't want to do everything alone anymore. Being "true to myself" but only when I'm by myself. Because I couldn't with others.
I really really need to express myself. The pain, the darkness. If it's not possible to be understood and heard then I don't want to continue. If I just have to get over the pain and become the old me, that's not an option.
(Sorry, I'm down now but it will pass....)
Hugs from:
Crypts_Of_The_Mind, Open Eyes