i hate my life

i hate myself...

im not doing any of this... its what i am... its not fair
i gotta try not to think about things... the future...
dont think about how long im going to be miserable... dont think about the torture...
i have a whole life ahead of me full of misery...

i haven't wanted to cut in a long time...
i forgot what it felt like to desire such...
but then you are overwhelmed with emotions...
you want to vent them the only way you know how...
release... such a release... yet i fight... and refuse to give in...
it hurts... my soul hurts... inside... when its so easy to replace it with physical pain..
i contemplate the meaning to fighting it...