Here we go... I told u all I would be honest so here goes...

My thoughts are taht if I keep drinking... taking pills like the ones I should not... dont eat... dont drink the good stuff... well then I wont go through the 31st which I just cant handle. The thoughts of my baby are killing me inside. I cant make sense of things anymore. I think I am going through a pyscosis. (dont mind my tying tonight--too many drinks). I am getting what I deserve; I did this now I jpay for it. So is this really a plan of suicide?

Maybe things will look differnt when I wake up. I need to go sleep now. Between my tummy and head I think sleep is a good ting. sry for this drunk night. Have not gone this fare in a long itme. Please excuse my totally screw up. I am sure I will ahte myself even more looking in the mirror. thik I will smash the damn thing oncve adn for all.

Sorry to those in chast tonight. dont worrya bout my babbling. I am too honest when I drink... I should sew my mouth shut when I drink. I get myself into enough trouble sober let alone liek this. I did not ever want u all to see me this way. I am mad at myself for this one. Pleas except my apologies.

Justy