It is all bad now and I'm afraid and I don't know what to do. I am mean to people who want to help. But it all hurts, it's not their fault. I still pretend I am fine...I cannot let go. Easier to be mean than to see some people dissappointed because I am falling apart.
I'm afraid. I am so disconnected from all this...So unreal
This thought came...of an ending...and finally I felt calm.
But then it went away. I'm trapped.

(no need to reply...I don't expect it, I don't make much sense now)