I'll try it. I need to confess, though that it feels a little futile. It's probably stupid, but I don't want fans, I want people whose opinions I can learn and understand (essentially, friends, I guess), and I don't see how fans translate into the kind of people I want. Plus I have a long history of not being popular, so I'm very doubtful of being able to attract any people at all, even completely random and distant.

But it definitely sounds better now that at least one person, you, doesn't find the idea completely ridiculous.

At the same time, I've invested so much time and energy into these other activities, like game design, that I just can't stand the thought of devoting all my free time to music. I've never been able to. It feels like betrayal and losing a part of myself. And I don't know if it's enough to be only half-devoted to music... But at the same time, game design doesn't really bring me any joy... I blame my OCD streak for this conundrum, if that makes sense. One could argue that I should take control of this problem, but at the same time as it hurts me I feel that it gives my life meaning...

Anyway, thanks, that was motivational!