I'm sorry your husband is treating you this way. I have learned from experience that men treat women this way because WE LET THEM, and we stay. We hold on to the hope that our relationship, and our man, will change back to the way they were in the beginning. We love them, and most women are "fixers" and want to make their marriage work. No one gets marriage thinking that it's only a matter of time before they get divorced.
After almost five roller coaster years, I am finally ready to get out. I love my husband, and truly hope he gets some help to deal with his issues (alot of ego, and trust issues just as you have), but I deserve better than the way he treats me sometimes. And so do you.
The sooner you realize that you'll be happier away from him, that seperation is probably what you need to rebuild your self esteem, the better. And maybe he needs to decide what he really wants. If it's not you, and your marriage, then aren't you better off knowing for sure? Anyne who gives love freely, deserves to recieve love freely.