I agree with the posters Rose and Trippin2.0.

From the way you describe your boyfriend, he sounds like he's very controlling and likes to use guilt trips to shame and manipulate with. Common tools and traits of narcissist personalities: "I'm doing this for us," "you are selfish," etc.

Mother-daughter trips are very common and there's nothing abnormal or selfish about taking those types of trips. Women take trips without their husbands, and husbands take trips without their wives, siblings take trips with cousins, cousins take trips without parents, etc.

I don't see how you are obligated to wait for your boyfriend to get his finances together. My gut tells me, his finances will always be an issue between you two, because it's a way he can control you (with the shaming and guilt tripping). His kids are not your responsibility, no matter what. If they have to stay home because he has no money that's on him. That's not something he is allowed to guilt you about because your finances are just fine.

Definitely take the trip with your daughter. And...use that cruise as a time to really think about if this is the type of man you want to be married to eventually. If you don't see the 5 year relationship headed towards marriage, then now would be the time to cut loose from him and his children. But if you two have discussed marriage, then you need to remind him about two things: boundaries and personal space.

Boundaries: He has no right to tell you what to do, about anything. That means, he cannot dictate to you how you live your life as his girlfriend, or as a single mother.

Personal space: Couples (married or not) deserve to have personal space away from each other. Narcissists like to take away that personal space because they are so insecure, they will feel threatened if their partner wants to do things on their own, without the narcissist.

I don't know if your boyfriend is a narcissist, but the way you describe his reaction to your mother-daughter trip idea, tells me that he is. If he wasn't a narcissist he wouldn't feel threatened by your need for boundaries, personal space, and independence. You have every right to take a mother-daughter trip separate from your relationship with this man. No one -- especially your boyfriend -- gets to dictate what choices you make for yourself and for your child.

He does not get to dictate to you what you do, as his girlfriend and as a single parent. And if/when he dictates to you, you have two choices; set firm boundaries and say "no, you don't get to dictate my choices to me," or cave-in, let him manipulate you into not taking the trip and disappoint your daughter (which sends her the message that her emotional needs aren't as important to you, as your boyfriend's emotional needs are). So, he's interfering with your relationship with your daughter, which has no no right to do. He is trying to compete with your daughter, for your attention, rather than respect your personal space, your boundaries and your role as a single mother.

Go on the cruise with your daughter. Have a good time. And tell your boyfriend he can accept it, support it, and respect you. Or, you can break up with him. Because he's shown you for the past 5 years, that he wants to be the one who calls the shots, as he's doing now.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who wants to control you, minimize your daughter's importance in your life, minimizes your feelings, minimizes your daughter's feelings, and compete with your daughter for your attention because he wants to be the one in charge, calling the shots all the time?! It doesn't seem like your relationship with this man has very healthy boundaries, if he's going to throw a tantrum and try to belittle you for wanting to spend time with your daughter on a cruise that is none of his business. That doesn't sound like a very stable, mature man to me.

If he really truly respected you and your daughter and had healthy boundaries, he wouldn't project his shame about his finances and his inability to take his sons on trips...on you, which is also what I think he's doing. If he really respected you and your daughter, he'd wish you both a happy mother-daughter vacation, support you and be excited to hear about your trip when you two return. That is the type of man you deserve to be with.