I need to vent a little, so no need to read unless you want to add to this vent

I am in a lot of pain lately. My depression is bad and there have been things happening in my life that are not easy.
If I was in physical pain (and I have been and know what it's like when it's bad) I could go the hospital and they would give me something....I could be OUT of pain in a matter of an hour at the most. Or I would pass out from the intensity of the pain, but I wouldn't feel it. I would have a reprieve and know that the pain would improve, possibly.

Intense sadness is undeniably as painful...depression is undeniably as painful. But there is nowhere to go to get away from it. I can't look forward to a little while of painlessness. Nobody will give me a shot or a pill that will take effect in an hour. This pain will not subside in that way.

The only way you can see out of it is to end it all. Death is better than agony.

If you are of the mindset that there are "things to live for" then you have not experienced mental pain like I do. You don't understand. Those of us who know that the pain has to stop now because we can't take it any more might be more sensitive...or our brains might work differently...or we have a darker soul....I don't really know.

But please don't say you understand if it's not like this for you.