I'm better- but I changed my HRT (estrogen) level w/o permission. I think it broke me out of the severe depression. I can't get the medical community to believe me, tho. I saw them today and they really discouraged me from raising the HRT (I decided to pretend to ask permission rather than admit I'd done it).
They seemed disappointed in me that I didn't take their word for it, but did acknowledge that each body is different and that if I really feel I need to, I can change it.
I learned today that surgical menopause HRT aftercare is just as much a shot in the dark as is psychiatry. Fun.

There is a 23 hour place much like respite, but instead of being free, it is psych ER. One will be evaluated and then either admitted, moved somewhere else to be admitted, or allowed to leave, depending.
I felt shame last time I went when the LCSW said "we're getting to know you rather well" and the dr said simply "you're back".
I couldn't bear going in a 4th time this calendar year :'(

For me this translates to "I'm on my own". I have to figure it out. I have to hide my true state of being if I'm unwell. My p nurse wants to try TMS (an electrified magnet placed against the head at certain points of the brain; one step down from ECT).
Back to pretending I'm normal when I have to.
Thankfully for now, I am stable.
Thanks all
Hugs