It seems to me that a lot of times are fears actually push us towards acting in a way that reinforces the fear. Like not reaching out because of the fear of being rejected and abandoned if we get close...So then we feel already rejected because we avoided connecting to the person and they don't know what we want. They might have been very nice to us if we tried to connect.
Or we are too pushy and then they keep distance.

So, some kind of balanced action is the best.
Easy to say, I know.

Also, high expectations make for high anxiety.
I know it too well. But how can one be relaxed about expectations when one feels everything so intensely.

I have issues with this too. Getting insanely jelous when a friend starts really connecting to others and they start relating more and more to each other. Like, on a FB group. And it's not even IRL. I instantly get that huge fear that they will abandon me just because of that. It's hard to shake that feeling.