You're judging yourself too hard--but I've been there and still struggle not to do that as well.

Mental illness is like any other body illness--why are you judging it more harshly than if it happened below the neck. If you have diabetes, would it make you a loser to take meds for that?

I come from a long line of relatives with major depressive disorder. They're not psycho. They're mentally ill. The positive thing is I'm managing my chemical imbalance with a good psychiatrist and therapist. Unfortunately, my grandmother and the people before her did not have our modern medicines to help them cope. Nor did they live in a climate of acceptance. In the old days, depression was a sign of weakness.

Guess what, Pop-Pop. Some of your grandkids some day may develop what you have now. The best thing you can do for them is to set a good example for them on how to take care of yourself. You can take some pride in the fact you got help--you'd be a major loser if you hadn't gotten medical attention.

Maybe your wife and you could sit down with your dr. together and 'get on the same page.' I did with my wife and psychiatrist because my wife was so concerned about all the meds I take and didn't want me on them for all my life. My dr. gently explained to her that the goal is NOT to get off meds--the goal is to have a good quality of life. The meds are a tool to acheive a good quality life.

He likened my suicide attempt and 'break-down' to a heart attack. If I had had a heart attack, that would be managed with medication and lifestyle changes. That's what we're doing with my mental illness. A diabetic cannot will themselves better. Nor can you. It's not weakness--it's chemical.

You don't say if you're in therapy or not. Perhaps a few visits might give you a different perspective on your anxiety problems.