Ok, this is not something you shared in your initial post. It can be a challenge when someone is doing the most in a relationship like that. And from what you have added into your response to me is showing that your brother is self absorbed and maybe he is depressed or something or suffers from low self esteem issues and is not really thinking about others other than last minute in an after thought way.

What you are describing is a situation where this woman is angry, just going through the motions of having the holiday and her heart really isn't in it and she is an unhappy person. If your brother is not contributing and sleeping all day, he needs to get help and find a therapist where he can get help to get out of his rut.

It sounds like you are walking into an unhappy situation and that can be a challenge that can leave one feeling their presence is more of a burden then genuinely appreciated. It's hard to know what this woman is thinking and feeling too, but it could be that even when a holiday happens, your brother is a dud and his wife resents that you pay attention to him in that she is the one responsible for him having anything at all including a family member coming over for the holiday. So, the holiday is probably just another inconvenience for her. It sounds like "she" could use therapy too.

They both should be in not only therapy, but work with a marriage counselor too.