I went out drinking with some friends from work last night, which I know is stupid to drink when I've been going through such a hard time. I ended up drunkenly crying to one of my friends and her girlfriend as we walked home that I'll probably be dead soon and that she should just accept it, and telling her how I've been feeling.

I haven't admitted to anyone IRL that my depression and suicidal thoughts have come back, and then I go and do that! I was drunk and stupid, I don't even remember everything that I said. She was so supportive telling me she's there for me and I'm really grateful that she didn't overreact and hopefully realises it was just because I was drunk. She took me to bed and sat with my and let me cry, and was just so supportive. It's not until I'm thinking about it now that I feel like a complete pathetic idiot. I keep it to myself for a reason, I know from the past how badly people react to it.

How on Earth am I going to look her in the eye at work on Monday!