Fellow Norseman,

It's a real problem. Please give up prone forever and learn to masturbate the way men do. You'll be glad you did. When that's accomplished, it's time to start having sex.

Please read these articles from professional and medical journals:

Josie Lipsith, Damian McCann, & David Goldmeier, "Male Psychogenic Sexual Dysfunction: The Role of Masturbation," Sexual and Relationship Therapy, Vol. 18, Nov. 2003, pp. 447-471.

Gila Bronner & Itzhak Ben-Zion, "Unusual Masturbatory Practice as an Etiological Factor in the Diagnosis and Treatment of Sexual Dysfunction in Young Men," The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Vol. 11, July 2014, pp. 1798-1806.

This book might change your life:

Eva Margolies, Undressing the American Male: Men with Sexual Problems and What You Can Do to Help Them. New York: Dutton, 1994.

Patagonia: Some women can masturbate prone and be OK, but it causes devastating problems in males.