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Originally Posted by lolagrace
I guess I look at this differently. I do think that what he was trying to communicate and what came out of his mouth were two different things, and I don't hear some deep-seeded message or belief in his words.
Here's where I come from: I was assaulted as a minor by people who were authority figures and who I felt little power against because of the adult/child dynamic. One of the things my therapists reminded me of was that if in the same situation now that I had been in at a younger place, in a different place, is that I would very likely react much differently and handle things much differently. That wasn't a matter at all of putting blame on me for what had happened; instead, it was a matter of acknowledging that as I've aged and grown and found my own healing, I do have much more internal and external agency against the type of people who originally assaulted me.
My therapists got very specific with me about self-defense tactics that I really wasn't trained in or that aware of so that if ever put in that position again, I would at least be able to buy myself some time to hopefully get away. That wasn't putting blame on me for any past or (God forbid) future assaults; that was giving me some concrete skills to keep me a bit safer physically, and I appreciated the concrete information and skills that also helped me find a bit better sense of internal safety.
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Just wanted to say - this is a very personal story and you've explained it with a perspective that may help others. Thank you for sharing with us.
I was in a situation- not the same thing - but where I was frightened there would be a murder and I called the police, but I was too afraid to speak. My T said "If that happened now, you wouldn't do that" (i.e. be unable to speak), and it felt dismissive, but T was also reminding me that I would have more control and be better able to protect myself - by speaking to the police - if I was ever in a similar situation again.