I am not entirely without hope. That is, I am not without hope that I have the capacity to heal. But I do feel hopeless about the mental health care system and feel I have wasted 2.5 years trying to get help through this system.

Now I am going to go it alone and devise my own system for healing. I have done it in the past. This is the most severe depression I have encountered...but if I apply the same strategies I did in the past perhaps they will again work.

Perhaps dependency on the mental health care system creates more dependency, and prolongs a depression.

I am sorry to be calling to task the doctors who did not help me, the psychiatrist who did not help me, and the psychologist who did not help me. It is not a matter of finding the "right" mental health care professional, or the "right" medication. The system is broken. The drugs have a poor track record. Too many counselors and therapists do not do a good job. I have no idea why they are getting paid to do next to nothing. It is a joke.

It is about finding the right path...and mine seems to be leading away from those very professionals who promise relief but who do not deliver, and leave me suffering week after week, month after month, and year after year. They are not doing a good job. Throwing antidepressants at someone like they are candy is irresponsible. Offering mere minutes of "talk therapy" is absurd.

If these people were healers there would be a lot more healed people. Instead we see thousands upon thousands of people visiting PC. So many people are suffering.

Life should not be one dreaded day after another.

I hope everyone continues a fierce search for their own cure. We deserve to happily live out our days here on earth. We were not made to suffer through this life.

((Hugs)) to all.