((((confused)))) You have so much going on right now. I am really glad you have been to see your old T again, because I remember you had such a good bond. He sounds very supportive. I hope you can keep seeing him. He is your ally. You have so much to work on right now with your husband and family and marriage, would it help to ease up on your trauma work with the other T and focus on getting strong and talking care of the marriage/family issues?

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He is the one that started to have an affair, yet it is me that has torn the family apart.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Is he still having an affair? He sounds like he doesn't want to take responsibility for any of the family problems. Has he been to counseling?

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I moved out about 3 weeks ago for 2 weeks, went and stayed in a hotel, via email with my T he convinced me to come back, because he feared that by me moving out, it would show the courts that I was the one that abandoned the kids. That would give my husband the advantage.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Absolutely do not move out of your house! Do not leave your kids! If you do either of these things, it makes it harder to get the house in a settlement and to be the primary custodial parent. If you don't want to live with him anymore, he should move out and leave the kids with you. He is the one who had the affair, not you. He is the one who broke the marriage vows.

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I told my husband I was going to see a lawyer to get some advice, he told me if I went to a lawyer he would take the kids and move in with his brother, so I didn't go to a lawyer

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">confused, do not share your legal plans with your husband! He has no control over whether you go see a lawyer. Just go. Don't tell him. Seek legal advice immediately. Ask your lawyer how you can get him out of the house. Be sure to document all cases of abuse, not just physical. Keep track of his angry outbursts, when he yells at you and the kids, any threats he makes, e.g., "if you call a lawyer, I will steal our kids from you"--that is a threat!

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how I allowed him to abuse me emotionally

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Wow, can I ever relate to that statement. It took me a long time to understand my role in allowing my husband's abuse.

I am glad you have a sister for support. So important to have family and friends during these crazy and difficult times.

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Does anybody get why he doesn't want me seeing my T, wouldn't any of your spouses, or significant others want you to get better and not worse????

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yes. For one, he doesn't like that your T is male. It's threatening to him. Maybe also he doesn't want you seeing a T because of the cost. And he may be less scared of the other T because she is working with you on trauma rather than your current marriage problems. Your male T is actively supporting you in your efforts to deal with marriage and family issues. Your husband does not want this. He wants to control the situation and you.

Please stick with your old T for support right now. He sounds like a godsend. And see a laywer but don't tell husband. I saw my divorce lawyer for 17 months before I told my husband.

Take care.