April's near its end, so soon it'll be a month since I've stopped talking to him, again. Familiar sensations. Sometimes it feels like this chemical reaction in my body is missing a key ingredient, but all of my attempts to seek this reagent are usually bad ideas so the best I can do is, wait it out. This do-or-die mentality of "give yourself up" kinda', paralyzes me, stunts my breath a tad, renders me all vulnerable and hyper-submissive and gross. But only in the comfort of my own company, no way in hell I can let people I don't trust see me, I call it "melting".

And in, more productive news, counseling's progressing alright! Two concerns my parents keep nagging me about are "You should find a closer counselor!" and "When are you going to start spacing out your sessions, every three weeks then every month and so on?" After discussing both with my current counselor, I managed to clear the first hurdle after talking to my parents (I made a point about doing it on my own), which honestly wasn't too stressful to bring up; so from our next session onward, my counselor's going to commute to her boss's office to save my family gas and time.

My counselor and I both agree that it's currently a bad idea to stretch my bi-weekly schedule any further; that bone of contention will be harder to discuss with my mom and dad, sad to say. Instinctively I'm a little worried they won't believe me unless I have an outside party backing me up, but if this is important to me (and of course it is) then it's worth fighting for so... this part'll take more courage, but I'll get there for sure! Granted that the stars line in my favour and I don't suddenly die or something, but if I do, at least I can say I was moving in a positive direction!