I'm gonna try and be as basic as I can with my question, so you don't have to read pages of rubbish lol

...I'm basically extremely skeptical that I'll EVER meet anybody in the future who I'll feel a close connection with and who feels the same way about me too

The reason why is mostly because of a relationship I was in with someone in the past where there was a big feeling of care and respect (he was always caring, there for me and faithful) on his side. The reason why that r/s buggered up was because I met this fella when I was young, insecure and in a very dark place. In VERY basic terms... I hurt him. We can't be together for that reason.

I've only just started realizing, 5 years down the line now, that I care about this fella so much and wish I'd said yes when he'd asked me to marry him 3 years ago -seems like 10 or 20 though with how much I have changed now. Unfortunately as I said I can't be with him and so there's nothing I can do to be with this guy

I'm so frightened and upset that I'll have to settle for someone who I don't feel these feelings I feel for him for :S I've heard of marriages and r/ships where one or both people involved don't really care about eachother -I'm terrified that'll be me in the future because I screwed up with the guy I was with in the past and had my chances with him

Can anyone offer me any advice or anecdotes at all? I'm so scared I'll just be alone and without someone who cares forever ?